Pressure Cooker

A few days before my sister passed away I took this photo. I was taking a class, “Photography and Spirituality”, and was given the assignment to scroll through my phone over the last year to see if a theme arose out of the images I took.

As I scrolled looking at the images, I realized my photos did not reflect what the season had entailed. If anything, my photos showed a different story, one that seemed put together well. After being honest with myself about what season I had been in, the image of a pressure cooker surfaced. I felt as if I had been in a pressure cooker for the last year, but little did I know the next days and weeks that would unfold would drive me further into the pressure cooker forcing me to emerge a different way.

21 weeks later I am still emerging. I am the same woman I was then, but I am vastly different as well. The high heat and enormous pressure extracted incredible parts of me that had been exiled, bringing my personality into fuller perspective for myself and somewhat to others. These exiled parts that slowly began to emerge were what kept me sane, grounded, and connected to God.

I think what strikes me most is that the images taken showed a story that was put together well.

“Putting things together well” is both my strength and weakness. I have the ability to make things look easy and flawless, but that’s just it…nothing is easy and without flaws. The most beautiful of all stories is the story of redemption, where I am restored to my truest self despite all the habits and patterns that forged my false self, the self that protects and defends so others will see me as “good”.

I have experienced the high heat and enormous pressure of hell and have experienced several of my worst fears in this last year. One experienced fear in particular, that replays four times every morning (as I turn the door knob to wake up my children), continues to thrust me into the loving and trusting arms of God where I realize I am not in control. I take a deep breath, pray a prayer of surrender, turn the door knob, and enter the room with holy wonder and openness to “what is”. Then I remember, all of life is a pressure cooker. Our best self emerges out of what Richard Rohr would call “great love and great suffering”.

“Two universal paths of transformation have been available to every human being God has created: great love and great suffering. These are offered to all; they level the playing fields of all the world religions. Only love and suffering are strong enough to break down our usual ego defenses, crush our dualistic thinking, and open us to Mystery. In my experience, they like nothing else exert the mysterious chemistry that can transmute us from a fear-based life into a love-based life.” – Rohr

https://cac.org/daily-meditations/love-and-suffering-2022-08-14/